Tell of Woe

Well it seems I'm in full-on blogger mode again, which means I've reverted to my Great Obsession.

It makes me want to laugh. Or cry.

It's finally snowing in Boulder. The wind is howling and we could get as much as a foot by tomorrow morning, along with sub-zero temperatures. Counting today I have four more days before I have to go back into the office. I plan to spend the majority of that time fireside knocking out a few books, doing a little blogging, and working on my novel.

So what brought my obsessive feelings back? Partly I wanted them to come back. I missed them, if that makes sense. I guess it's how I've come to define myself. It makes me wonder how I'd feel if I ever were to achieve my fantasy. I mean imagine you spent your whole life fantasizing of, say, going to Greece. Then you finally get to go. Upon returning home, what then? What comes next? Would you be satisfied thereafter? Or would you find that it was the obsession with Greece, rather than Greece itself, that you actually needed?

Partly my obsession was brought back by just not being at work. I haven't been in the office since last Wednesday. It's now Thursday of the following week. In the past week I've been to the Leanin' Tree Museum of Western Art twice, and that always catapults me back into hardcore Western fantasizing. It's one of the best little museums I've ever been to and the only art museum I've ever loved. It's in Boulder, it's free and open to the public, and it's usually very quiet so it's a good place to meditate on the things near and dear to my heart. And the art collection is amazing. Even my parents loved it. Often I'll go alone during some off-time when I'm sure to be the only one there and I'll spend an hour or two gazing into an intangible world that captivates me. Every sculpture, every painting is a moment frozen in time - yet they all tell a story, however brief, and give one a glimpse of what was and what would be, even if the stories are only based loosely on historical events.

The deep lines painted on an old Cherokee woman's face as she stares off into the desert at something only she can see; the cowboy about to be crushed by his sun fishing horse; the war party in the pale moonlight; the haunting spirit horse mourning the death of his warrior; the epic struggle between hunter and mountain lion; the tenderness of two cowboys at Thanksgiving in a rugged and unforgiving world; the packers after a successful hunt; breathtaking western landscapes with all their minute detail and a thousand things more. These images move me and haunt me; they fill my soul with something I can't get from the daily grind of "normal" life.

And finally, my obsessive feelings were brought back by getting out into the mountains. Rocky Mountain National Park is what keeps me sane, and it's not even the most perfect slice of the American West. That title belongs to Yellowstone, the only in-tact ecosystem in the lower 48 that still looks and functions more or less like it did before the arrival of the white man and all of his destructive ways. I think that when the day comes that I visit Yellowstone I won't want to leave. Wolves, grizzlies, wolverines, bison, untrammeled forests and meadows, snow-capped peaks and untamed rivers - Yellowstone is the last refuge of Wild America outside of Alaska.

For lunch today I sat down with a warm bowl of leftover homemade chicken soup: potatoes, carrots and dried oregano from the garden and chicken from a local farm. I served it with a leftover buttermilk biscuit I made from scratch for breakfast yesterday. In the glow of the Christmas tree I watched the snow falling outside, warmed by my soup and my thoughts. This is heaven for me, this moment.

I'm a philosopher. That's what I really am, no bones about it. I probably wouldn't make for an exceptional cowboy; I'm not reckless enough. I probably wouldn't make for an exceptional mountain man; I may not be tough enough. I don't make an exceptional analyst or businessman; I don't care enough. What drives me is a desire to become enlightened and to be inspired. What thrills me is to enlighten and inspire others. What comforts me is nature. What satisfies me is purpose.

I don't want to be a scientist; they care only for what makes a thing tick. I don't want to be a businessman; they care only for making money. I don't want to be an adventurer; they care only for the thrill of the moment. I don't want to be a politician; they care only for winning the game.

I think my calling in life is to be a teacher, a writer, a naturalist, a philosopher, and a non-academic historian. These things I am now, as much as I can be. I do want to know about science, I do want to have business sense, and I do want to understand the game. We need professionals in all areas I suppose. Thing is, I don't want to specialize in the activities. I want a bird's eye view of all of them, to understand how they form our world. I want to know who we are, where we came from, where we are going, why we do what we do, or don't. I want to inspire people to think beyond what makes a thing tick, to care for more than just money, and to realize that the game has no value but that which we assign to it. I despise the concept of money and accumulating wealth in monetary form. I despise the corporate ladder and the Western concept of "progress." Alas, this is the world in which I live, so I struggle to find a way to "earn a living" from the things I love, rather than from the unsatisfying activities that I know will work but leave me feeling empty. My body is clothed and nourished by my career success, but my soul is left destitute.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Reading

It's June 13 at about ten in the morning, and the temperature is 48 degrees and raining. Been this way all weekend.

I finished reading A Walk Across America. I enjoyed it, but the last two chapters were just awful. The author is a terrible writer, but I overlooked that because I was really fascinated by his adventure. Then, surprisingly, this church-avoiding, long-haired, earth-loving hippie type "finds God" when he drops into a mega-revival in Alabama. It was all a little too suspicious and weird, as were the events the followed. For the tale of his adventures, I'd give it 4/5 stars. For everything else - his lack of writing skills, his inability to tell a decent story, and his weirdness to name a a few things - a mere 1/5 stars. He's got a second book which he wrote after walking through Louisiana, Texas, New Mexico and ultimately settling for a time in Ouray, Colorado, but it got worse reviews than his first. He's also got a book about Alaska, which more readers seemed to enjoy, and a fourth about some other country which I didn't pay much attention to. I'm not sure I'll be reading anything else by Peter Jenkins.

Seeing as it's cold and rainy - perfect for curling up in my pj's by the fire with a book - I started the next one, The Blind Watchmaker by Richard Dawkins. Dawkins is a very accomplished writer whose books focus on evolution and genetic inheritance. The Blind Watchmaker is one of, if not the, most popular of his books. It's been waiting on my bookshelf for a long time, but I tend to buy books faster than I can consume them. I'm trying to resist the urge to go buy a few new ones today since I've got four or five on backlog at the moment. Sometimes I wish I could lock myself away in a remote and cozy log cabin in the snowy depths of winter and do little more than get lost in my books for a solid week.

Rocky Mountain Home

After two weeks in my old Texas stomping grounds, I'm back in Boulder. A two and a half hour plane ride and an hour and a half bus ride and I'm the happiest person in the world.

I stepped off the bus tonight and took a long, deep breath of that sweet Boulder air. A bright moon shone in a cold clear sky, making the snow covered ground glow a silvery blue. Boulder creek was tumbling and icy. And mountains. Those beautiful, beautiful mountains.

I soaked up every glorious moment of the stroll home. There I found Gerard with a smile and a warm hug. I ate a hot homemade meal of spicy pinto beans and fresh baked cornbread, took a hot shower and slipped into my favorite flannel pj's.

There is no screaming television. There are no strings of traffic backed up for miles. There are no interstates or tollways, no skyscrapers, no chemical-laced prepackaged factory "foods" and no rednecks. There's just me and the mountains, the snow, the creek, and my lovely, sleepy little town.

I don't mean to imply that my trip to Texas was miserable. It was not. I had a great time and I loved seeing my best friends and my family and visiting my favorite Texas hangouts. Some of the highlights of the East Texas portion of my trip were hiking with the family in the Big Thicket National Preserve, long wonderful talks with mom, getting a tour of the "new" Houston from Michelle and Gina, and hanging out by mom's pool. In Austin, it was chatting late into the night with Scott, sharing a beer at the Ginger Man with Elizabeth, dinner with Ragen at Truluck's, dinner at Eastside cafe, barbecue at Rudy's and Artz Rib House, breakfast at Kerby Lane with Keith, a long walk around Town Lake (I have a brick dedicated to me in the overlook at Town Lake and Barton Creek), shopping for boots at Allen's Boots, visiting Bookpeople, Tesoro's and the Whole Foods flagship store, strolling the capitol grounds and hiking at McKinney Falls State Park, and spending New Year's Eve celebrating with lots of friends, food and karaoke. No, I had a wonderful time in Texas just as I always do.

But the wide open spaces of the west call to me. The mountains and the snow and the solitude of places west of Austin - whether they be in Texas or Colorado - call to me. My home calls to me. I guess I'm an introvert, because people - however much I love them - drain my batteries. Quiet time restores my energy. Nature rejuvenates me. Privacy keeps me sane.

How I love my Rocky Mountain home.

Two

The temperature is supposed to dip to 5 degrees F tonight. Possibly 3F tomorrow night.

What's the point? It's like saying something costs $10,000.03

Of course that's an absurd analogy. I guess temperatures near zero are still a novelty for me. In related news, Austin may very well get snow this week. I think this'll be the third time in the last three years that they've had snow. I bet Austin didn't get snow that many times in the entire 30 years I lived in Texas. What gives? Not that I can complain. I mean we got about six inches last night here in Boulder. I doubt Austin has ever had that. Ever. But Austin does have Barton Springs.

Austin, Texas and Boulder, Colorado. The two loves of my life.

I Love a Snowy Night

It's 2AM and I'm wide awake. I'm not prone to insomnia, but I do have a bout of it a few times a year. Maybe it's the snow. For nearly the last month the weather has been clear, sunny and mild, but this afternoon snow clouds rolled in. Flakes started falling around 9PM and there's now several inches on the ground. I always get excited when it snows, especially if it's been awhile.

Maybe it's the holidays. I keep thinking about my upcoming road trip to Texas and how nice it'll be to see family and friends. I love a good road trip, and I'm excited to give my mom her gifts this year. I'm also excited to see Austin again and revisit some of my favorite haunts.

Maybe it's my new toys. I ordered a new photo printer and scanner to do some photo restoration which I've been putting off for a long time. My old printer doesn't print photo quality, and my old scanner is so hopelessly ancient it won't even work with my new OS. Fortunately tomorrow is electronics recycling day at the lab. My packages should also arrive tomorrow and I can't wait to get at them.

Maybe it's my career. Grades were posted yesterday and I got A's in both of my classes. I also got registered for the classes I need for next quarter. I'm kind of excited about it. Work is going well and I sometimes can't help imagining where I'll be in my career next year or five years or ten years from now. Will it involve horses or computers? Don't know, but I suppose I can't really go wrong either way. It's really nice to feel that way.

Maybe it's summer fun. I've been mulling my options for a serious vacation. I'm thinking Spain, summer of 2010. I've got a friend that lives there. Two weeks in Spain with my own personal native tour guide? Sounds fun. Australia? Hawaii? All options are on the table.

Tomorrow is going to suck if I can't get some sleep.

Happy November

We got a foot of snow last night.

Fortunate One

I just got home from a pickle party. Our friends Christine and Mark made twelve kinds of pickles this year and had a blind pickle tasting. All of the cucumbers were from their garden or from the farmer's market. The table was set with numbered dishes piled high with pickle slices, and in between was an assortment of hard and soft cheeses, crackers, pita, artichoke dip, breads and roasted red pepper dip. On tap was locally brewed beer from the Mountain Sun. We each had a rating sheet, and over the course of the evening we sampled and rated pickles. The evening culminated with a summary rating and a revelation of the winning and losing pickles. It turned out that one of the pickle varieties was actually from Whole Foods. It ranked near the bottom. The homemade jalapeno bread and butter pickles were the all-around favorite. We wrapped up the evening by the fireplace with coffee and dessert and lots of laughter.

One by one the guests departed, each carrying a few jars of their favorite pickles.

As for me, I had a nice fifteen minute walk home in the snow. I absolutely love walking in falling snow, especially at night. The snow reflects the light from the street lamps and buildings and even the darkest city parks and trails are bright enough to navigate with ease. The world is so quiet, and the snow just envelopes you. And this is the prettiest time of year for snow because downtown is all lit up for the holidays. Christmas trees are twinkling, and people are drinking hot cocoa behind frosted window panes. It's another one of those perfect Normal Rockwell moments that I live for.

Life is really good in Boulder. Really good. I may long for my cabin in the woods, but I have no cause to complain. I know how fortunate I am.

Peace in the Valle

This painting is of a real place in the southern Rockies.

Today, another snow day - our first full snow day of the season. We don't get as many scheduled holidays as I did at my old job in Texas, but I think we make up for it in snow days. In a way they're better than scheduled holidays because they pop up randomly throughout the cool months like little treats.

I haven't seen an official total, but there's over two feet on the ground outside and it's supposed to continue snowing all day. I've got plenty of chai.

Snow Day

We had our first snow day today. The lab closed at noon. I didn't get out until after 1PM because I had to conduct an interview with a candidate who'd already flown in. Tempted as I was to tell him to come back next week, I did the right thing.

On the way home I stopped off at one of my favorite hiking trails and did some snowshoeing (without snowshoes) in thigh deep snow for about an hour. There's nothing quite like Colorado snow. It's like walking through fairy dust.

Now I'm settled in with my favorite flannel PJ bottoms, a hot cup of chai, a crackling fire and no reason to leave the house for at least the next two days. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Another Week

One morning this week I was standing at the bus stop when a lady walked up to me and said, "That hat looks great on you!"

I smiled and said thanks, and that seemed to be it. To my amazement she actually turned and walked on. But then she stopped, turned around, and asked...wait for it...waaaaaaaaaaait for it....

Are you a cowboy?

Well hell, you really can't blame people for asking I suppose.

It snowed most of the day today, there was a troublesome bear near my home that the Colorado Division of Wildlife spent most of the day yesterday trying to persuade to leave town, and Apple unveiled a new super cool mouse to replace that P.O.S. they've been making for the last couple of years. That's all I know today.

I'm going to have some apple pie and hit the sack.

SNOW!

Just a couple of hours after this morning's blog post, the temperature dropped and the rain turned into snow! The first snowfall of the season a day and a half before the autumn equinox.

I was as giddy as a child.

Yet Another Snow Day

Another massing spring storm closed the lab and area businesses today as it dumped several feet of wet snow along the Front Range. I only left home once for a short hike to get some pictures. Above is the view from Red Rocks looking across Boulder Canyon during a brief lull.

You know, back when I worked for the DOT in Texas we got a lot of crazy holidays, like Confederate Heroes Day (known as Confederate Memorial Day in every other state except Tennessee which calls it Confederate Decoration Day.) These days I just get the standard holidays, but it's made up for in snow days. I like the snow days better. Since they're unplanned it's like receiving an unexpected gift in the mail. Plus "snow day" just has a nicer connotation.

Farmer's Market 2009

It begins.

As of yesterday, NOAA was forecasting a blizzard for today, the opening day of the 2009 Boulder Farmer's Market. Indeed it did snow last night and was still snowing lightly this morning. But the ground is so warm it's not sticking to paved surfaces, or any surface for too long. Note the snow on the trees in the photo.

I had thought I might not even leave the house today if the weather was going to be as bad as predicted. I knew at least one farmer who let me know in advance she wouldn't be setting up her booth. But let's be honest, what are the chances of me NOT getting down to the market on opening day?

So there I was, just minutes before the market officially opened, walking up the trail. "There's a tent! I see one! And there's another one!" I said to Gerard, relieved to know that at least some vendors made it, and excited at what their presence means. It was visual confirmation that spring had come. The season of plenty had arrived.

Fewer than half the vendors who will eventually make up the market were there today, but most don't even have anything to sell yet. In fact only one vendor, Anne and Paul Cure of Cure Organic Farm, had fresh greens - lettuces, spinach and salad mixes which like the cooler weather. Another, Three R's Farm, had tomatoes, but they've always got tomatoes thanks to their year round greenhouse operation. Our mushroom man was there. He's also got a great indoor operation growing baby bellas, shitake, trumpets and many others. The pickle guys of Mountain Valley Canning were there. They buy cucumbers, horseradish, sugar and spices from the other farmers and make the best pickles and horseradish I've ever had. Reuben, our super nice sprout guy was there, and so were the handsome young bread guys of Udi's Bakery, the rancher of Homestead Natural Beef, and lots of pastry-making women. In fact there was a new one today, a German woman with a very heavy accent who makes absolutely heavenly pastries. "She's the real thing," Gerard said after trying her cinnamon crisp. "She's not just trying to pretend she knows German pastries!"

And of course, the taste of the Boulder market is the "Amaizing Corn Tamale" of which I had to partake. Winter is officially over. It doesn't matter if it's still snowing.

It was so nice to reconnect with everyone. The standard greeting on the air was, "Hey _____, how are you!? How was your winter?" I hadn't seen most of these farmers and food artisans since last fall, and the die-hards (like me) were reconnecting with farmer friends throughout the market. I also saw some other Boulder friends and even a co-worker who had driven up from Golden and ran 17 miles on Boulder trails by 8AM. (He likes to come to Boulder to train and shop the market but lives in Golden because it's closer to work.)

I spent more time chatting and catching up than I did actually shopping, and this is one of the things that makes the farmer's market such a wonderful part of local culture. It brings people together. It's a place not just to shop but to meet new people and strengthen bonds of friendship. It builds community, and community is something Boulder does very well. The market is so popular, organizers are currently working on a complete redesign to try and accommodate the crowds and the ever growing list of vendors.

So my kitchen is now filling with the flavors of a new season just as the flavors of fall and winter are almost at an end. The winter squash are all eaten. I've got a few random jars of ketchup, cherry bomb peppers, pasta sauce and others and probably a little too much pumpkin butter. (Note to self: next fall I need way more salsa and a little less pumpkin butter!) I've got a little frozen fruit left, and a few miscellaneous containers of dry goods. Everything else is gone. Of course there's always an ample supply of bison, elk, pork, milk, butter, yogurt, cheese and eggs. But now the house once again is filled with the aroma of fresh green onions scrambled in with our eggs. We've got crisp, spicy salads, tender baby spinach, zippy red radishes, a wide variety of sweet little sprouts and an abundance of colorful Nasturtium flowers on our plates.

The winter slumber is over and the earth is waking up. Welcome, spring.

Another Snow Day!

Last Friday's snowfall ended up dumping 15 delicious inches of wet snow in Boulder. Farmers are rejoicing. The lab was closed Thursday and Friday so I got a four day weekend out of the deal.

Most of it had vanished by today, except the mountains of it piled next to parking lots and lawns and mountainsides facing north. But roads, walkways and most of the parks are quite snow-free. Or they were until about an hour ago when another spring snowstorm blew in. There's probably two inches already and forecasters are saying we could get as much as a foot before daybreak. Looks like the winter drought is over and we're all expecting a very green spring. I am a little concerned for all the fruit trees whose lovely white flowers are now brown and drooping.

I really love spring snow. It's pretty. It also delivers a lot of moisture to the soil, which is great for gardens and wildflowers and reducing grass & forest fire threats. Flakes are heavy, chunky and wet. It sticks. Actually it tends to encrust everything, including pedestrians. That part I'm not as fond of. Still, an abundance of sweet spring snow is a good omen. A warm and bountiful summer is right around the corner. The official kickoff, in my mind, is two days from now when the farmer's market commences once again! I hope the weather is nice.

Snow Day!

As I mentioned in a previous post, the Front Range is about 19 inches behind on snowfall this year. March, typically our snowiest month, has brought only an inch of snow to Boulder.

Well, we're going to make up for all of that today. Yesterday forecasters said we were in for a mild blizzard today. So far this morning we've had over 6 inches and we're predicted to get up to 19 inches by tomorrow morning. A little further east on the plains could see over two feet. Schools and businesses have closed and I'm curled up on the sofa watching it come down. I'm off tomorrow anyway, so I've got a nice 4 day weekend of doing nothing to look forward to.

I love the snow but it's a bit weird this year. Flowers and trees are blooming everywhere and the days have been warm and spring like for quite some time. It's like going from winter, half way into spring, and then back into winter. But this snow is very welcome. It's a nice wet spring snow and it's bringing a healthy dose of moisture to the plains. Looks like spring is going to be a lot greener than I thought!

A Fine Weekend

It's one of those Saturday nights where I'm so grateful it's just that. I don't have to do a darn thing tomorrow and I can completely relax tonight in the peace and quiet of my home and sleep in as late as I want tomorrow. Of course "sleep in" usually means 7:30 at the latest. Still, it's a luxury knowing I don't have to get up.

Actually I am going to do some things tomorrow. I'm planning to make pancakes for brunch, which will go well with the butter I churned today, and at some point in the day I plan to bake a pumpkin pie and two loaves of bread. But since I consider those to be incredibly joyful activities I don't really consider them "to do" items. Baking will also make the place nice and cozy. We're supposed to get some sloppy wet snow tomorrow and I have no reason to venture outside.

Today was a really fantastic day in terms of weather. With the exception a few arctic blasts that put us in the deep freeze for a few days, it has been a really warm winter, with most days being sunny and in the 60's. We've even had a few days in the 70's. This morning Gerard and I got up early and hiked into the mountains just outside our door. It was a crisp, sunny morning. Gerard even wore shorts. We both noticed right away the first sign of spring: the birds are back! Seems a bit early to me, but maybe they're getting a jump on spring with all the warm weather. Robins, flickers and all kinds of song birds were flitting about the mountains and singing in the trees. We even saw the first Steller's Jay (one of my favorites) since last year. We also came across something else fairly exciting today. Near a nameless peak west of Mount Sanitas we found what appeared to be the remnants of a mountain lion's kill. It was the hoof and lower leg of a very young mule deer. The bone near the detachment point had been snapped off and knawed. It was pretty cool, though slightly unnerving since lions tend to stay in the area and guard their kills. We looked around but couldn't find the rest of the carcass and thought it likely that a fox or some other critter had scavenged a kill and left this tidbit near the trail.

The rest of the day was mostly spent loafing. I did manage to get out to the farm to pick up a couple dozen eggs and a few winter squash, and I prepared smoked pork chops and mashed potatoes for dinner which was followed up with an evening walk downtown. But otherwise I had a perfectly, wonderfully unproductive day. As for the rest of the evening, I think I'll try to decide on my next book selection and see if I can't get a couple of chapters in. I'm going to try to resist reading Animal Vegetable Miracle again.

Don't Nobody Know

Ever read something, a story, that moves you so much it consumes your thoughts for days? Yesterday I finished reading the journals of Lewis & Clark and read up on their lives. I don't really know what to say about it. I know I can't put into words what I'm feeling. About all I can say is I can't get them off my mind. So I sit here in the dark, watching the snow come down and listening to some really old cowboy folk songs.

And thinking.

It's Friday

We had a good 6 inches of snow early Monday. It was a surprise since just the night before the forecast was for little or none. My guests from Texas were particularly delighted. Monday's snow was followed by a succession of warm, sunny days that are supposed to continue right through the weekend. There may be more photos coming as I sift through them this weekend.

Tonight we had a few friends over for coffee and dessert. (Thanks Beth for your 2007 posting of the recipe for Pennsylvania Dutch apple pie. Through me it has brought deliciousness into many people's lives.) I made it with our now dwindling stock of frozen apple slices from last autumn's farmer's market. What a nice way to start the weekend.

Merry Christmas

I'm sad. Christmas is over. I had been looking forward to my first Colorado Christmas for two years. I took a week of vacation and mom, Larry and Scott came to visit us for the week. It's weird looking forward to something for so long, only to have it pass in the blink of an eye. It's weird going back to my normal routine, only now having that thing I had long anticipated being a memory of the past rather than a fantasy of the future. It's weird to have it behind me rather than in front of me.

We had a really nice time. Mom was like a little kid playing in the snow for the first time in her life. She was running, throwing snowballs and kicking up snow like any eight year old would. She just kept saying how magical it was and laughing. I swear it took decades off her age. The image of her all bundled up and playing with a big grin on her face will stay with me forever.

After everyone left this afternoon I went back into my home, now still and quiet after a week of being filled with love and laughter. I looked back through the photos and I could still hear mom's voice laughing and I could see her eyes glowing with the light of discovery and joy. It filled me simultaneously with happiness that these moments existed, and such sadness that they had passed so quickly. But I suppose it's knowing that such moments are fleeting that make them so precious, and mourning their passing is futile.

Bear Lake holds a particularly special place in my heart now. Who knew such a short trail could hold so many memories. I love you mom, more than words can ever express.

'Tis the Season

Finally! We've got a real Colorado December in full swing. With the wind chill, it's -22 F tonight and we've easily had over a foot of snow in the past two weeks. It has really helped bring on the Christmas spirit. That, and knowing I only have four more days of work before I'm off for ten full days for a little Christmas vacation. I'm not really going anywhere. Instead I've got family and friends coming up here for a week of snowshoeing, Christmas shopping and other wintry activities. Of course, if the weather is like this throughout the week of Christmas, I have a feeling that my mom will ensure our primary activity is sitting by the fire with hot chocolate and admiring the snow through frosted window panes.

I love Colorado. Have I mentioned that before?