Tell of Woe

Well it seems I'm in full-on blogger mode again, which means I've reverted to my Great Obsession.

It makes me want to laugh. Or cry.

It's finally snowing in Boulder. The wind is howling and we could get as much as a foot by tomorrow morning, along with sub-zero temperatures. Counting today I have four more days before I have to go back into the office. I plan to spend the majority of that time fireside knocking out a few books, doing a little blogging, and working on my novel.

So what brought my obsessive feelings back? Partly I wanted them to come back. I missed them, if that makes sense. I guess it's how I've come to define myself. It makes me wonder how I'd feel if I ever were to achieve my fantasy. I mean imagine you spent your whole life fantasizing of, say, going to Greece. Then you finally get to go. Upon returning home, what then? What comes next? Would you be satisfied thereafter? Or would you find that it was the obsession with Greece, rather than Greece itself, that you actually needed?

Partly my obsession was brought back by just not being at work. I haven't been in the office since last Wednesday. It's now Thursday of the following week. In the past week I've been to the Leanin' Tree Museum of Western Art twice, and that always catapults me back into hardcore Western fantasizing. It's one of the best little museums I've ever been to and the only art museum I've ever loved. It's in Boulder, it's free and open to the public, and it's usually very quiet so it's a good place to meditate on the things near and dear to my heart. And the art collection is amazing. Even my parents loved it. Often I'll go alone during some off-time when I'm sure to be the only one there and I'll spend an hour or two gazing into an intangible world that captivates me. Every sculpture, every painting is a moment frozen in time - yet they all tell a story, however brief, and give one a glimpse of what was and what would be, even if the stories are only based loosely on historical events.

The deep lines painted on an old Cherokee woman's face as she stares off into the desert at something only she can see; the cowboy about to be crushed by his sun fishing horse; the war party in the pale moonlight; the haunting spirit horse mourning the death of his warrior; the epic struggle between hunter and mountain lion; the tenderness of two cowboys at Thanksgiving in a rugged and unforgiving world; the packers after a successful hunt; breathtaking western landscapes with all their minute detail and a thousand things more. These images move me and haunt me; they fill my soul with something I can't get from the daily grind of "normal" life.

And finally, my obsessive feelings were brought back by getting out into the mountains. Rocky Mountain National Park is what keeps me sane, and it's not even the most perfect slice of the American West. That title belongs to Yellowstone, the only in-tact ecosystem in the lower 48 that still looks and functions more or less like it did before the arrival of the white man and all of his destructive ways. I think that when the day comes that I visit Yellowstone I won't want to leave. Wolves, grizzlies, wolverines, bison, untrammeled forests and meadows, snow-capped peaks and untamed rivers - Yellowstone is the last refuge of Wild America outside of Alaska.

For lunch today I sat down with a warm bowl of leftover homemade chicken soup: potatoes, carrots and dried oregano from the garden and chicken from a local farm. I served it with a leftover buttermilk biscuit I made from scratch for breakfast yesterday. In the glow of the Christmas tree I watched the snow falling outside, warmed by my soup and my thoughts. This is heaven for me, this moment.

I'm a philosopher. That's what I really am, no bones about it. I probably wouldn't make for an exceptional cowboy; I'm not reckless enough. I probably wouldn't make for an exceptional mountain man; I may not be tough enough. I don't make an exceptional analyst or businessman; I don't care enough. What drives me is a desire to become enlightened and to be inspired. What thrills me is to enlighten and inspire others. What comforts me is nature. What satisfies me is purpose.

I don't want to be a scientist; they care only for what makes a thing tick. I don't want to be a businessman; they care only for making money. I don't want to be an adventurer; they care only for the thrill of the moment. I don't want to be a politician; they care only for winning the game.

I think my calling in life is to be a teacher, a writer, a naturalist, a philosopher, and a non-academic historian. These things I am now, as much as I can be. I do want to know about science, I do want to have business sense, and I do want to understand the game. We need professionals in all areas I suppose. Thing is, I don't want to specialize in the activities. I want a bird's eye view of all of them, to understand how they form our world. I want to know who we are, where we came from, where we are going, why we do what we do, or don't. I want to inspire people to think beyond what makes a thing tick, to care for more than just money, and to realize that the game has no value but that which we assign to it. I despise the concept of money and accumulating wealth in monetary form. I despise the corporate ladder and the Western concept of "progress." Alas, this is the world in which I live, so I struggle to find a way to "earn a living" from the things I love, rather than from the unsatisfying activities that I know will work but leave me feeling empty. My body is clothed and nourished by my career success, but my soul is left destitute.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

Kitty in the Hay

There's a kitty at the ranch where I ride who loves people. She's probably the sweetest, most affectionate cat I've ever seen. She was distracted by a horse just long enough for me to get this shot, then she immediately went back to pawing all over me.

I really like being out there on the ranch. It's so quiet, yet there's life everywhere. There are probably two dozen horses, a few cats, a couple of dogs and more barn swallows, barn owls and other birds than you can shake a stick at. The prairie dogs are innumerable and, unless you get within arms length, are completely comfortable sharing their little bit of the prairie with you. Coyotes are a common sight, even in broad daylight. Last week two of them streaked past me just two dozen yards away. There are also a few ranch hands and various other people coming and going all the time, but the place just feels like the clock is ticking a little slower than in the city. It's the kind of place where I can pull up in my truck and instead of a 17 year old lesbian with pink hair, a peace t-shirt and a nose ring hissing with a condescending eco-smirk, "Gawd that's a big truck. What do you need that for?" as happened in the Whole Foods parking lot awhile back, I'm greeted by a 20-something cowboy with a size 30 waist and tight Wranglers who says with an envious grin, "Wow, that's a nice truck. I wish I had a truck like that." (Okay, I'm biased, but fitting in is fitting in!)

It's the kind of place where you can wear a cowboy hat and no one stares at you, and no one asks if they can wear your hat. It's the kind of place where you can just sit in the hay for an hour watching the ranch critters do their thing, and it doesn't matter. There's no place to be. There are no phones ringing. There's no sound of traffic, no electronic calendars, no meetings and nothing plastic or glowing or buzzing or florescent anywhere in sight. Just a cool breeze through the barn rafters, the occasional distant neighing of a horse, and the sound of a tawny kitty purring in the hay next to you.

I've been taking advanced riding lessons out at the ranch, working with different horses, beefing up my riding and handling skills. It may sound cliche, but I think working with animals teaches us a lot about ourselves and the world. One thing about me that quickly comes to the surface is my buried desire for instant results. That surprises me because I thought I had moved beyond that. Probably I have for the most part, but there's definitely some of it still lurking inside my brain. Personally I think that city life does that to a person. Just about everything these days is instantaneous. You want something, you hop in your car and go buy it or go online and have it delivered to you doorstep the next day. You want music or you want to watch a show, you want to talk to someone or meet new people, you want a meal or anything at all, you've got your computer, your iPhone, your restaurants, your car, your internet and a thousand other ways to make your wish come true with virtually no effort and no waiting.

One of the things I like about cooking, eating locally and seasonally, and about not having a microwave in the house is that if I want to eat something I have to prepare it. There is a cost associated with my food beyond the price tag, and that actually makes eating a much more satisfying experience. There are no bags of junk food in my kitchen and no zapping anything so I can't eat within 1 minute 30 seconds of deciding I want to eat something. This also reduces temptation and works as a built-in system for ensuring the quality of my food. It has completely broken me of the habit of snacking.

Working with horses is the same kind of thing in the sense that you don't just go pick out a horse, hop on and expect an experience as predictable and controllable as your car or your microwaved frozen dinner will deliver. Horses are living things. They have brains and therefore have moods, personalities, likes and dislikes. They experience fear and pleasure, and their chemistry doesn't mix the same with everyone. Hop on an exceptionally good horse and you might get what you expect, if he's in the right mood and nothing unexpected comes up. Hop on a horse that doesn't have all these things going for it in that particular moment and you could be in for some frustration, to say the least. From my own experience and from discussions with the instructor, frustration due to unrealistic expectations is a common problem with people who spend more time on a computer or in a coffee shop than on a horse.

I've also taken up guitar recently and have found the same challenge there. Learning to play music can be incredibly frustrating and takes practice, practice, practice, day in and day out, for years. I grew up playing the piano and I remember how difficult it was in the beginning. Actually I suppose it never really got all that much easier, because as my skills improved my instructor bumped up the challenge. But with time and patience I progressed. Everybody wants to play the guitar or learn a foreign language or possess some other skill, but a lot fewer people are willing to put in the work to get it. I'm not ragging on anyone. I face the same challenges and I haven't always been as persistent as I should have been. If something's hard, it's hard not to quit.

It's been said that anything worth having is worth working for and I do believe that's true. People who are given things are rarely as appreciative of those things as they are of things they fought long and hard to get. I think part of my motivation to take up guitar or become a better horseman comes from my desire to have more meaningful things in my life. I mean, don't you ever get bored and think:

"Is this all there is? I've got a good job, I make enough money. I could just eat out all the time and sit at the coffee shop for an hour each morning and never really have to fuss over anything, learn anything new or do anything that doesn't directly contribute to my immediate comfort. So why do I want to spend so much time and money on things that require so much work and that in the end won't even increase my salary?"

Maybe it has something to do with that old saying about idle hands or maybe there's just something restless in me. I don't know. I can enjoy a coffee shop or a nice dinner out as much as anyone, but I'm just not satisfied making my life super cushy. It's like I want to introduce a little pain, a little hard work, a little something so I can feel like I'm alive and not just curled up on the sofa watching life go by. And it needs to feel real, genuine, not manufactured. For example, I'll never get into cycling. It's a great hobby and I think Lance Armstrong is cool. But for me, I'm thinking: "Where the hell am I going?" There's got to be a destination, a greater purpose. Cycling or mountain climbing, while in moderate amounts can be fun, feels like busy work to me. What's the point? But things like growing my own food, harvesting it and then preparing it actually has a very important purpose in and of itself. Playing the guitar and riding horses are similarly justifiable in my mind, as they fit into my grand scheme of self reliance.

Picture this: my cabin in the woods (as I've described many times). I saddle up and take a string of horses into the wilderness for a week-long hunting trip. When I return I've got hides to tan, a new bearskin rug and a supply of elk/deer/moose meat that will last until next season. I've got a garden to tend, a cow or goat to milk. I've got canning to do, meat and trout to smoke, butter to churn, a root cellar to stock, beer to brew, wood to chop. I've got horses and dogs that need tending, a hog that needs butchering, a cabin that needs repairs before winter. And when I'm resting I can fill the air with the lovely sounds of the harmonica or sing lonely tunes to the mountains as I strum my guitar on the back porch on a cool summer's evening. That's what I want. Those are "hobbies" that mean something to me. I get tingly all over when I think about it.

So in the mean time I spend my free time trying to wring the vestiges of the city from my life and my body, ever trying to push my life down that dirt road that leads home, my cabin in the woods.

The Urban Homestead

The calendar may disagree, but spring has arrived in Colorado.

And so begins a new season of work for the homesteader, urban or otherwise. Gerard and I were talking this morning about cycles (not the bi- or motor- kind). Successful athletes train heavy, punctuated by periods of active rest or "back-off" sessions. Most nutritionists agree that periods of fasting or, at the very least staggering you caloric intake, can help keep you lean. Even the concept of weekends offers respite from the daily grind, a cycle of work and rest. And so too the farmer and backyard gardener must stir from winter's rest to begin the planting that will end with the harvest. Nature, indeed everything I can think of, runs in cycles of on and off periods. Maybe that's why I get so much pleasure from abandoning "fresh" tomatoes in January and savoring them only during the summer months when they can be grown in my back yard. It just feels natural.

Of course that's not the only reason, but I have to say I have a much greater appreciation for some of the things which are most mundane to the average supermarket shopper. (I know, I was one of those supermarket shoppers most of my life.) Never before was I as excited about the warm months as since I moved to a place where winters are long and intense. Never have I looked upon a ripe red tomato or dark crisp vegetables with such adoration as I have since I gave up the supermarket. Never have I savored a hot slice of bread slathered with butter as I have since I started baking my own bread and churning my own butter. Why? Because I now know how wonderful these things really are. I no longer take them for granted because they aren't granted to me anytime I want them. I know how precious they are and how much work it takes to get them. When I was a child my mom told me how, when she was a little girl growing up dirt poor, for Christmas they would sometimes get a little fruit and it was a big treat. I remember I snubbed my nose and thought what a lame Christmas that must have been! Of course I was spoiled by her childhood standards. We weren't rich, but anything I wanted to eat was in the kitchen any given day of the year. An apple or an orange meant nothing to me. I wanted armloads of plastic toys. Can I honestly say my childhood was better having had the "luxury" of caring about an abundance of plastic toys more than a few pieces of fresh fruit? Life seemed so unfair if my mom wouldn't (or couldn't) buy me a toy I demanded. I never knew what it was like to long for something that could actually impact my life, like food. How might that have affected me as an adult? How might that today influence my ability to deal with the curve balls life throws?

My quest to be self sufficient, local, healthy and as free as possible from corporate overlords has taught me a lot of exciting and difficult lessons. It has taught me a lot of skills that are lost on most Americans but that at one time were quite commonplace. It has given me an entirely new perspective on the world, a much greater appreciation for the things in my life, and a sense of wholeness and joy that no amount of material things could ever bring me. My most recent conquest: bread. I've been baking my own bread for a couple of years, but until recently I was still a slave to the little plastic packets of commercial yeast. Obviously, those are new fangled products invented by someone who wanted to make a buck. Specifically, it was a man named Charles Fleischmann who introduced pre-made yeast packets to the world in 1876. Yet people have been baking bread, even leavened (risen) bread, since the stone age. How did we manage all those millennia until yeast packets became widespread in the 20th century? One answer: sourdough. After a few failures and months of digging, I finally was able to cut through all the myths and misinformation floating around the internet to discover the delightfully simple formula for bringing this ancient culinary wonder into my home. Mix flour and water and feed it daily for two weeks. That's it. At the end of two weeks you have a jar full of strong sourdough culture that can be propagated indefinitely. How amazing is this: the very organisms you need to make a fluffy loaf of bread live in abundance in the air and on the very flour that will become your bread. All you need to do is coax them into a dense symbiotic colony of bacteria and yeast with a little bit of food and warm water. With your sourdough starter you can make all sorts of delicious, nutritious breads and pancakes, no mass produced industrial plastic packets of genetically modified superyeast is necessary. That, my friends, is an every day miracle.

So it was on this sunny Sunday morning over my first batch of fluffy sourdough pancakes, slathered with home churned butter and preserves made from last summer's peaches, that Gerard and I discussed the cycles of our lives. Though I gave up church and organized religion many years ago, I suppose this is our way of honoring God or the Universe or the Great Spirit and all the true wonders of this world. Our church is our chemical-free home, stocked with clean foods grown by the loving toil of real people, our neighbors. Our tithe is the labor we invest in growing, preserving and preparing the nutrition given to us by the rich soils beneath our feet and the warm sunshine that shines on our faces. And our prayers are understanding the miracle of it all and never taking for granted the luxury of having so much good food to eat.

Eckhart Tolle believes that all the beauty of nature spanning the vast expanse of space and time was unknown until humans, in all our sentient complexity, came along to tell her how beautiful she is. I suppose that's another reason why I spend so much time figuring out how to churn butter and make sourdough. It's my way of honoring the beauty of nature and saying I acknowledge that I am part of her and her endless cycles.

GREENS!

And reds and yellows and oranges too! We got our first greens of the season! One of our farmers has a greenhouse. Combined with the extra warm weather this year she now has an early crop of fresh greens, and the farmer's market is still 4 weeks away. Spinach and rainbow chard were among the items in our pick up this week and they were the prettiest things to my winter weary eyes. I sauteed the chard in butter and olive oil with onions and a little salt and served it up with leftover bison pot roast. I had all but forgotten how creamy and flavorful fresh chard is. Wow! A taste of the market, a taste of things to come.

The weather service is predicting possible record breaking heat this week. We could see 75 degrees in the next day or two, which hasn't happened this time of year since 1902. It's perfect spring weather (if a bit early) and many of the trees already have buds. The crocus are in bloom and I'm expecting to see tulips any day now. Spring fever is setting in and the world is waking up.

So I now have five places to garden this year. Two community garden plots, plots on two different ranches, and a home-owning friend a few blocks away who I convinced to turn her entire back lawn into a garden. Plus I've secured a volunteer spot on one of my favorite local organic farms which I regularly patronize at the market. I guess technically that makes six gardens. I hope to learn a lot.

Tonight I'm going to sit down with some homemade oatmeal cookies, a tall glass of milk, and go through my seed catalog one more time. I have to finalize my order so I can get those seeds in the ground. It's going to be a big year for me!

Home

I made it back from DC without incident, though the trip home seemed eternal. I had the pleasure of flying, for the first time, in both snow and rain during the course of this trip. In fact, not to sound crude, but my first thought when I got off the plane in DC was, "Wow, rain and black people. I haven't seen these things for awhile." Boulder sees little of either. But there was a couple of inches of snow coming down when I returned. I didn't feel like I was quite ready to leave DC, but it sure did feel good coming home. I like being able to see mountains 50 miles away with nothing but rolling grasslands between us. As amazing as the mega cities of the East are, my heart lives in the West.

This weekend I made easy rounds to the farms that grow my food, milk and yogurt from Taft Hill Dairy, eggs from Jay Hill Farm. I felt more present than usual and the landscape felt more intensely beautiful and grand. I took in the sights and sounds and smells of the Rockies and I was reminded of the first time I laid eyes on them. I like the slower pace of life out here and the open space. A few days in the city makes me appreciate it all the more.

I also picked up and delivered 800 pounds of organic oats that were donated to the Rocky Mountain Horse Rescue. (I received a gift of 50 pounds of these organic oats for myself! That should last us at least a year.) The "ranch" where I picked up the oats is owned by an attorney and his wife (though they weren't the oat donors.) The "ranch" is breathtaking, with sweeping views of the plains, of Boulder, and of the snow-capped peaks beyond. The "ranch" is nearly 30 acres of golden grassy hills with excellent soil and water rights and easy access to Boulder. I have to put "ranch" in quotes because I was told by a woman who works there that the owners are not "horse people" and pay her to completely care for and give attention to their horses which are never ridden. The owners apparently aren't "garden people" either, and on their acreage sits a mansion that looks like it was plucked right out of a million dollar suburb in any generic city. There is an organic garden that the hired hand created, though the owner is thinking about installing a tennis court in that sunny spot. Not that he's a tennis player, but you know, what else is he going to spend his money on? They already had the old barn moved (yes, the whole thing) from its historic location to a less than ideal spot so they could build their own private fitness center with a superb view of the mountains where the barn once stood. What does it matter if the barn is now cold and drafty? After all, they're not "horse people" and they might want to see mountains when they glance up from the exercise bike now and then. (They have 30 dreamy acres on which to exercise yet they build a whole building around an exercise bike. The whole thing made me sick. How does this happen? A lawyer buys 30 acres of absolutely prime farmland in Colorado then buries it under a behemoth house, relegates the horses to a drafty barn shoved to the windy side of the hill which are only there in the first place for his extremely occasional amusement, and is considering paving over the organic garden with a tennis court. And then there's me, who would practically worship a few acres of good dirt and water so I could grow nutritious, local food to feed myself and my community and live lightly on the land, but am stuck in an apartment in the middle of the city because farmland costs a literal fortune because of all the lawyers who aren't "horse people" buying it up and plopping their mansions on it.

Non-farmers should not be allowed to have farms. Period. That is to say, you shouldn't be allowed to have agriculturally productive land if you plan to do nothing with it but grow mansions (or suburban sprawlplexes for that matter). It's a little like clear cutting a National Park so the wealthy can have fancy hardwood cabinetry. We all lose because of the greed of the few.

This is wrong, wrong, wrong. America is losing on average 2 acres of farmland EVERY MINUTE, 24 hours a day due to development. That's over 20,000 acres every single week. That's enough land for over 600 good sized farms. EVERY WEEK. Think about that. Colorado is a great place to see this. Drive through the "country" in many places around here and you'll see rows and rows of cookie cutter houses and condo complexes along the hilltops. They form walls around the remaining farms like armies of pre-fabricated second rate housing for wannabe nobility. (I particularly love it when they bulldoze the farm, install 500 identical houses, and name the monstrosity something like "Wheatland Farm Estates." They're neither farms nor estates!) We're literally burying some of the best farmland in the world under people who think that food magically appears wrapped in plastic at the supermarket. We can live just fine without Wal-Mart and shopping malls, but one thing that every one of us absolutely depends upon is food. We are so short sighted that even as our population increases, we continue turning farmland into suburban mega-sprawlplexes, complete with fertilizer- and pesticide-drenched lawns soaking up billions of gallons of water every year that could be used to grow abundant, healthy food and ease the burden on our rivers, wetlands and groundwater. It's unbelievable.

If I had the means, I'd buy that lawyer's land, disassemble the house and donate the components to Houses for Humanity, and turn it into a working organic farm with a modest farm house. And you can bet your ass I'd be a "horse person" and a "garden person" and lots of people in Boulder would be able to enjoy the land through the fruits of my labor and the beauty such a farm would bring to our community. I'd mentor students and make an effort to educate people about the abundance of benefits to be had from clean, sustainable, local farming. I'd use our resources responsibly and share the wealth with everyone. What I would not do is destroy it all for the sake of my own vanity.

Unbelievable.

Waking Dreams

It's one of those nights. I can't sleep. I'm lying in bed staring at the ceiling and dreaming of owning my own Colorado ranch.

There was a time not too many years ago where I wanted to live in a fancy loft in the heart of downtown. I never got the fancy loft, but I did live in a nice place right on the very cusp of downtown Austin. It was pretty fantastic and I have no regrets. It satisfied my craving. But I get claustrophobic in the big city, and I found that I bored quickly of all the shops, and since bars and nightlife don't do anything for me anymore I found myself feeling unfulfilled. I never got bored with Town Lake or Barton Springs, but I wanted something more. I guess I felt a little like I lived in a magazine spread. It was cool, but what was I actually doing? I found myself longing for a quiet place in the country, much like what I had growing up. But I wasn't into long commutes, especially in Austin traffic. I had also spent a good decade fantasizing about living in the mountains of Colorado and fully intended to do so when the time was right. I was starting to feel like the time was right.

So I made a brilliant and extremely fortunate career move that landed me in Colorado, specifically in Boulder, right where I always wanted to be. By that time I was so ready to get out of the crowded city that I was of a mind to live alone in the mountains. Indeed I entertained my friends with crazy ideas like living in a teepee. (People actually do this very successfully here.) I no longer want to try living in a teepee, partly because I know I would be bored out of my mind, but mostly because I now realize that that was just me trying desperately to get away from it all to recharge. My alone time is extremely important to me and if I don't get enough, well, I get a little nutty. Along those same lines, I also now realize I don't want to be a solitary mountain man. The mountains can be extremely lonely. And cold. While I highly value "me" time, I don't actually want to be a hermit. I love community.

I have found myself very much at home in Boulder. It's not too big. Rush hour lasts from roughly 5PM to 5:30PM and it only slows me down for a few blocks trying to get around the University, though it's rare for me to come home during that time anyway. It's quiet, clean, beautiful, convenient, extremely progressive, has all the comforts of a big city with few of the big city problems, AND it's an outdoor lover's paradise all at the same time. I can walk to everything from gourmet restaurants and designer fashions to mountain trails that feel like they're a thousand miles from nowhere. There's a year-round creek complete with waterfalls, wild birds and trout right outside my window and central park is on the opposite bank. The largest and by far the best farmer's market in the whole state is 3 blocks from my home. I haven't explored too much of Colorado yet, but Boulder would be a tough place to beat.

And yet I still find myself longing for something more. A more perfect city? Bigger mountains? What could I possibly want? I want a farm. I love Boulder. I love Colorado. I don't want to leave and have no intention to do so, but sometimes I have those same old feelings of being crowded and a bit bored of city life even here in Boulder. Let me explain.

Back in Austin I rediscovered food the day I set foot in my first Whole Foods. That was close to 8 or 9 years ago now. I couldn't believe a grocery store could be so beautiful, that food could be so amazing and that people could care so much about it. I discovered organic and I was hooked. Over the years my fascination with food grew and grew, and by the time I left Austin I was dividing my food time equally between Whole Foods and the farmer's market (which is really very good in Austin.) By the time of this writing, I've almost entirely outgrown even Whole Foods (which we have plenty of in Boulder) and I now get over 90% of my calories from local organic farms and ranches. As anyone who has read my blog or knows me knows, I also do my own canning and baking and freezing and butter making and have complete control over my food from the time it's picked until the time I eat it. I'm obsessed with it like I've never been obsessed with anything else. It's like I've finally found something in life that makes me feel fulfilled. I've done a lot of fun things in life and I still have many things I enjoy, but food is one of the few things that has real purpose for me. I mean, it's food. Someone once summed it up nicely: "Money is illusion. Food is real." What could be more rewarding than coaxing the most delicious, nutritious edibles from nature year after year? The very essence that keeps me alive and healthy isn't something that comes from a store. It isn't something that I have to trade for green paper with a corporation in order to get. It's something that earth gives us for free, if only we know how to ask.

So here I am in Boulder and everything is wonderful, except I still can't grow most of what I eat because I have no space. Sometimes I feel trapped in the city. I don't have one of those idyllic 30 acre organic farms just outside the city. You've seen them, at least in pictures: rolling green meadows with a few horses grazing near a big red barn under an azure sky with rugged, snow-capped mountains forming a back drop. Yep, that's eastern Boulder county. So far as I'm concerned, it's the best of all worlds. It's just five miles from the heart of Boulder, just fifteen minutes drive to the mountains. There's rich prairie soil for growing crops and grazing livestock, and plenty of mountain streams to water it all. It's quiet out there. It's country, but it's not isolated. Your neighbor's house is far enough away that you might not even be able to see it, and odds are they're Obama-loving, gay-rights supporting, organic-farming liberals with Ph.D's that you'll see down at the farmer's market every weekend where, by the way, there's a huge demand for local organic produce and more than enough well-to-do people who are more than happy to pay a premium for it. And they aren't just mindless consumers. No, these people know what they want and they love it. I too could be one of those farmers if only I had $3 million to buy a farm.

My dream farm, by the way, exists here. It's called Abbondanza (Italian for "bountiful") and they are Boulder's premier organic farm. Seriously, you should see their farm stand. Whole Foods can't even do a spread like they can. And they're seed savers too. They grow hundreds of varities of vegetables on the farm, many are heirloom varities, and they save all their own seeds which they sell or replant the following season. They're completely self sufficient! And no one at the market offers the variety they do.

So for the time being I do my canning and churn my butter from the raw ingredients I buy from my local farmers, and I tend my little city organic garden plot and dream of the day I have my own little orchard, rows of organic greens and livestock grazing in the pasture.

My one real outlet for getting my farmer/rancher fix at this time is the horse farm I volunteer with. Bini, the owner, has seen too many moons to garden and so it now lies covered in weeds. However she has offered the space for me to bring it back to life if I'm so inclined. As spring approaches the dream of what that garden could become weighs on my mind. My only hesitation is investing work and, inevitably, money into a farm that isn't mine. I won't be the first person in history to work a farm I don't own, but since this is (for now at least) a hobby rather than my livelihood I think it'll be worth it.

Joys of Autumn

We in Boulder did end up getting our first snowfall of the season last weekend.  It happened Sunday night.  It was very light and the ground is still so warm that it only stuck in the trees and on the mountains.  It was completely gone by mid morning but it sure made the work commute nice what with the mountains being dusted.

Since then we've had picture perfect fall weather.

Gerard and I started the weekend Saturday morning with a raid on the the farmer's market there are only two left this season), ran into some friends, loaded up for the week and on items to be canned, and then headed up the Peak to Peak Highway to Rocky Mountain National Park for our annual aspen and elk rut viewing.  We were a little late this year and missed peak season.  The elk weren't putting on much of a show so we headed to the shops in Estes Park.  We scored much better there.  We bought an amazing bedroom set all hand made from old barn wood by a craftsman in Wyoming.  I sold what little bedroom furniture I had when I moved to Colorado almost 2 years ago, so I was ready to get the mattress off the floor and my clothes in a real chest of drawers.  

This morning we got up early and tended our garden.  It was the beginning of the fall clean up.  We harvested most of what's left in the garden: purple potatoes, carrots and a whole lot of tomatillos.  That's me plucking tomatillos and pulling up spent plants.

I spent the afternoon canning the 25 pounds of tomatoes from yesterday's farmer's market and baking four loaves of bread.  This was a prelude to cooking dinner and preparing lunches for tomorrow.  It still strikes me as odd to think of this as "fun," but it is.  As many good times as I've had over the years partying, I can't say any of it ever felt as rewarding as my free time does now.  Not that I regret the past.  I don't.  I think I just got burnt out on urbania.  It started to feel so empty and pointless and unsustainable to me.  I guess it felt more like a distraction than my actual life.  I don't at all regret the past, but I wouldn't trade the present for anything.  There's nothing quite like direct provider of your own food, from seed to table, from season to season, and in resuming some role, even if only at the margins, in the cycle of life as nature designed it.  

As a special treat to end the weekend, just before sunset I spotted a hornet nest hidden away in a tree by the river.  Everywhere I am surrounded by the wonders of nature, big and small.