Learnin'

They say you learn something new every day. That must be an average because I swear there are some days I don't think I learned a damn thing. Today was not one of those.

Today I learned:

1. That I'll be driving the Yaris for at least another year, probably two. I went to the Ford dealership earlier in the day. They had my dream truck on the lot. I mean, down to the last bolt, this truck was exactly what I would end up with if I could sit down and draw up the plans from scratch. It was $59,000. I drove it. I salivated over it. I caressed it. I sat in every seat. I looked at it from every angle. I tested every feature. I even applied for credit and worked the numbers. All I had to do was sign on the dotted line. But I drove off in the Yaris. This wasn't the agreement I made with myself when I bought the Yaris. Stick to the plan, man.

2. Biker bars aren't nearly as much fun as gay bars. Yes, I picked the place and organized an after-work happy hour. We did have a good time, and people at work seem to like this bar (which is why I picked it.) But I couldn't help but take note of the stark differences between the two kinds of establishments. When you go into a gay bar most of the patrons have gone to great lengths, or at the very least some lengths, to take care of themselves and make themselves attractive: nice clothes, fit bodies, fashionable hairstyles. And it's so easy to meet and talk to new people. But in a biker bar, it's all about how much fat you can squeeze into denim and black leather, and how much greasy gray hair you can stuff under a bandana. Have these people no pride at all?

3. Life can play very cruel jokes on you at times. Or so it seems.

4. My gaydar is seriously out of whack. Apparently I wouldn't know a homosexual if he smiled, winked and flirted with me week after week for over a year every time I went into Whole Foods. Or if he stared at me every time he passed my desk at work for months on end. Or if he was the slightly effeminate new guy who showered me with compliments and kept asking me what I was doing this weekend.

Gays are weird, straights are weirder, and people in general leave me exhausted.