Eureka!

The other morning I woke up, sat straight up in bed, and said, "Holy crap, I'm a philosopher!"

Just to make sure, I did a little research on exactly what a philosopher is, and I'm pretty satisfied that I fit the description. I don't know why this never seems to have occurred to me before. I also don't know why the label helps, but it does. My favorite thing to do, it seems, is think. My blog clearly demonstrates how tortured I often am by my thoughts - not that they're so terrible, but rather that they're so voluminous. It doesn't have to be anything that means anything, though a lot of my time is consumed by thinking about things that I believe are important. "You think too much!" I've always been told. I guess having a label for it helps me shrink it down, put controls on it, manage it. It's not so mysterious when it has a name.

I've found that I've been lighter of spirit since that little "aha" moment. I went to the gym and worked out. I completed 10 more chapters in my ActionScript book and didn't even complain about it - and as a result I was able to talk some ActionScript with my co-workers which felt kinda cool. I ate at a restaurant and didn't worry that it wasn't local or organic. I watched some PETA demonstrators downtown and didn't even get angry. I had a few beers and didn't go to that dark place. I've even laughed a few times. I've kinda felt like my old self, like the person I was before I despised society so much.

I've just kinda felt like, what's the point of being so dark and brooding all of the time? The world is what it is, no matter how happy or grumpy I may be. Just roll with it.

Of course I'm not just going to dump all of my beliefs. But maybe I can quit internalizing so much, and just let the world be.